Have a little faith in me

I saw a quote on Instagram earlier that said

"I go crazy because here isn't where I wanna be."

I liked it and continued to scroll down to the next picture when I noticed that someone had commented on the quote picture and said,

"Don't rush God's plan..."

This hit me. At first I was all like "oh this quote is so relatable and relevant to my life, but then I saw that one comment and I was completely thrown for a loop.
I used to be such an immensely faithful person. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself a Christian and I believe in God, but my views and opinions have changed drastically in the past few years. Since I stopped going to church regularly about three ish years ago, I have slowly developed a more open-minded faith. For example, I now believe that just because a person goes to church, that does not make them a Christian. Also, I have taken more of a to each his own kind of outlook. Like you do you, and I'll do me and if you are a decent person to me and don't shove your beliefs down my throat then I will be cool with you.
I used to belong to a small Southern Baptist church and my youth leader there would often write us (the youth group) letters about various things and she always made a huge point about trusting God's plan for our lives. I used to be able to blindly accept this and move on whenever crisis or doubt hit me. I would simply know that God would make things alright and I had nothing to worry about. Now I am the exact opposite. I have evolved into much more of a worrisome and negative person. I used to be so positive and optimistic about things. It could be that in recent years my life has gotten slightly more difficult and my problems are actual real-world ones and not silly high school drama that I used to deal with. But no matter what kind of problem arises in my life I always jump to the absolute worst conclusion. For example, I have huge trust issues. This is because a number of reasons in the past: I let people in to easily, I'm naive, etc... But I've started to notice that recently my heart has hardened a little. I hardly ever let new people in and if I do, it takes a ridiculously long time and effort and it makes me look completely idiotic and standoffish. For the past 5 months I've been talking (I despise that term) to a boy that I met through some mutual friends. At first we were just friends who talked everyday about everything under the sun, but eventually it has evolved into a way more than friends thing. This boy is as close to perfection as I think it can get for me. He is so nice that it is almost unreal. He hasn't once pushed me into doing anything I was not ready for or made me feel guilty for stringing him along (I'll get to that in a minute). He has the same sense of humor as I do, which we both agree is rare. And I can tell him anything and he is always supportive or understanding. I love every second that I spend with him and we honestly have not gone a single day without talking since Halloween last year. What's the problem? He goes to school 3 hours away. It might not seem like a big deal, and at first it wasn't really. But in the past month or so, our relationship has changed and the distance has really started to become our toughest obstacle. Because of my aforementioned completely ridiculous trust issues, I automatically assume the worst when something feels off between the two of us. I know there is only so much emotion that can be displayed through texting or a phone call, but I can't help but assume the worst all the time. He has told me time and time again that he will never do anything to hurt me and I believe him a hundred percent, but there is this evil little thought in the back of my mind that convinces me that because we are so far away, and despite how much he says he wants only me, he is going to find something else. Something more convenient. Something better. I will probably always think like this, I just can't help it. I see too much unfaithfulness in everyday life and I've experienced it firsthand and it disgusts me and makes me not want to trust anyone ever. I told this boy about the last thing I was involved in and how it completely tore me apart and that because of it my trust has completely dissolved into nothing and made me fearful of letting someone else in too soon. He told me this was okay and that he would wait for me to be 100% ready. He has stood by that statement and has never actually given me a real reason not to trust him, but because of my stupidity in the past, I feel like I am being unfair to him by making him wait for me to stop being dumb and let him in. I don't like to say "what if," but I feel like had I been in this relationship a few years ago when my faith was stronger, that I would not have this problem and I could trust God completely with this and any other aspect of my life and I would be much happier and content. I feel horrible saying that because this boy makes me happier than anyone ever has before, but I just wonder if maybe I didn't have this trust problem that life would be perfect and I could fully let him in and be in a real actual relationship with him like he deserves. I suppose that is the point of faith - trusting something no matter what happens or how scary it is. Trusting them with your whole heart, whether it be God or a boy you are falling for or anyone really, to have your heart in their hands and actually believe they are going to care for it and not hurt you. I need to work on this more.